Sometimes
by Leveragelover
Summary: An empty stool, drunk again, secrets stitched in a shirt, a cold dark night, and old ways he wish didn't exist. Set directly after The Bottle Job


**A/N: Songfic to And One's song Sometimes. I did change one lyric where it says: **_**mother said that I'm a good kid**_**. That is supposed to be girl not kid. I don't own Leverage**

_Sometimes_

Nate walked into his apartment about an hour after completing the wire in an hour and a half. To his surprise, Hardison had managed to sorta clean his apartment up. Some of his clothes were still haphazardly thrown from his bedroom and down the stairs. He started picking up his clothes and making his way up the stairs. At the very top was one of his black shirts with a two hourglass like shapes connected at the center (one horizontal and one vertical) stitched on the front. Then the mans words from downstairs rang in his head.

_**'You're exactly like ya fatha' **_

Nates eyes burned and he snatched the shirt off the ground and then threw it in a pile with the rest. He grabbed his iPod off the dresser along with a pair of headphones. Quickly he took his shirt and jeans off slipped into bed. Then he plugged his headphones in to his iPod and started playing Sometimes by And One. Unconsciously he started murmuring the lyrics to himself.

"_Daddy said that I'm a good boy_

_Cause I always did his will_

_But I can't remember, was it me - how did I feel_

_I call'em family, but in the heart of hearts I know_

_There's something wrong with me, what can I do?_" The memories stung in his brain. Flashes of blood, leather, knifes, and alleys going through his head.

"_Mother said that I'm a good kid_

_I was always dressed to kill_

_But I can't remember, was it me - how did I feel_

_Now this is long ago_

_But today I'm really sure_

_I don't wanna crawl no more _

_No I don't want to_" Suddenly he bolted out of bed, the anger roaring over his conscious. He didn't even know where it had come from; it just suddenly exploded inside him. For all these years Nate had been trying to forget what he'd done, because in a neighborhood like this and a father like Jimmy it was bound to happen. He had never wanted to admit that he'd hurt so many people. Not even Sophie knew. He slipped on a pair of black jeans and grabbed his black military boats from his closet. Nate laced them up tight and the song seemed to blare louder in his ears.

_'I want to be all alone_

_(to be all alone)_

_(leave me all alone)_

_(I'm so lonely)_

_Sometimes I don't know what I prefer to be_

_That's all that I can see' _

He ripped his headphones out and grabbed the black shirt with the embroidered pattern. Quickly he buttoned it up and then grabbed his navy blue jacket and then heavier leather jacket. He flipped the hood up and pounded down the stairs. It showed Sophie was calling him for video chat and he hit accept.

"What?" He demanded angrily

Sophie was a bit taken back by the harshness of his voice. "What's wrong with you?"

"I'm angry!" He snapped back at her

"Clearly. Where are you going?"

"For a walk" Nate replied a little too quickly

"Well be careful. I'll talk to you later, I guess" Before he could even respond she hung up

Nate scowled slightly and then went into the kitchen to search for some other stuff.

**-Meanwhile-**

Tara sat at home, watching TV and drinking coffee when her phone went off. "Hey Soph what's up?"

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Depends"

"Can you go follow Nate?" She asked timidly

"What-why?"

"He looked like he was dressed to go beat people up and he said he was going for a walk. I just got a strange feeling"

"And why would I do that?" Tara asked boredly

"You. Owe. Me."

"I thought working for the team was my repayment"

"Well then do it for me. Since I'm your friend"

"If he tries anything do you give me permission to punch him?" Tara asked with slight interest

Sophie laughed lightly. "Yes, I give you permission"

"Then I'm on it" Tara grinned

**-Back at the apartment-**

He had grabbed his fingerless gloves, which looked like the ones Eliot always wore. His 6-inch razor sharp pocketknife resided in his pocket. He kept it well hidden from the team.

They didn't know.

They didn't need to know.

Once he had gotten it, he rushed out of his apartment and to the elevator. Once the elevator opened in McRory's he rushed out the back door, out the alley and out onto the sidewalk. His feet skidded on the ice and his breath made little clouds in the air since it was so cold. He quickly headed off to the bad side of the town where he knew he would find trouble.

But that's what he wanted.

Nate was walking silently when he suddenly ran into someone. It was Cora. He quickly went to zip his jacket up but it was too late. She had seen the sign and looked up at him with scared eyes.

"No. Nate don't do it!" Cora pleaded

"I have to" His voice was rough

"Nate, don't forget about Jake" Cora cried

"This is different Cora. We're not teenagers anymore" Nate waves her off

"You're still hurting people" Cora hissed

"I hurt a lot of people." Nate growled before walking off

His first victim was some pimp walking by himself who was giving Nate the evil eye. It started like a flash, a punch and kick, blood and metal. The guy didn't have much on him except 50 bucks and a switch blade. Nate roughly kicked him in the face one last time before dragging him into an alley and walking away.

_'I want to be all alone_

_(to be all alone)_

_(leave me all alone)_

_(I'm so lonely)_

_Sometimes I don't know what I prefer to be_

_That's all that I can see' _

The pain that had mysteriously exploded inside him earlier was now subsiding slightly. He continued walking around until he found a man walking by himself. The man looked angry and Nate quickly grabbed him by the collar and threw him in the nearest alley. First he covered his mouth to keep him from screaming. Then he hit and hit and hit him until the man fell unconscious, blood running down his face. The man had only 20 some dollars on him and a credit card. Nate took both and went on his way, whistling happily to himself.

"I saw you beat up those two guys. Do have some sort of anger problem?" A very familiar voice came from behind

Nate turned around to see Tara standing there, looking very bored.

"Sophie sent you" Nate stated in a boredom that matched her expression

"How'd you ever guess?" She asked sarcastically

"Look, Tara you don't need to be here"

"What's wrong with you?" Tara asked with pure genuine concern, something that felt strange on her tongue

"How could I tell you?"

Tara frowns.

"How could I tell you something that I've been hiding from everyone?"

"Who do you need to tell?" Is all Tara managed

"No one. No one needs to know" Nate spat at her

"I know I haven't known you nearly as long as Sophie but I want to help you" The words felt even more foreign on her tongue

Nate just glared at her.

"At least tell me what the symbol on your shirt means"

Nate looked away from her insufferable gaze. "It's the sign for the gang I was in"

_'So I burnt down the house of hate_

_The key to close the door_

_What a nice September' _

"What do you think triggered this?" Tara asked instead of bombarding him with 101 questions

"Just a mixture of things from the wake" Nate replied softly. "Also the man said I was just like my father. I don't want to be like my father but I am, I always have been"

_'I found out it's not too late_

_It happened yesterday_

_But today I'm really sure'_

**THE END**

**A/N: Yes it was supposed to end like that**


End file.
